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Site created 12/15/97.

review added: 3/15/00

Embrace of the Vampire
1994 (1999) - New Line

review by Brad Pilcher of The Digital Bits

Enhanced for 16x9 TVs

Embrace of the Vampire Film Rating: C-

Disc Ratings (Video/Audio/Extras): B+/B+/C+

Specs and Features

92 mins (R rated version), 93 mins (Unrated version), letterboxed widescreen (1.85:1), 16x9 enhanced, full frame (1.33:1), single-sided, dual-layered (extra layer for dual versions), Snapper case packaging, film-themed menu screens, scene access (19 chapters), languages: English (DD 5.1 and DD 2.0), subtitles: English, Closed Captioned

"The innocence is over."

So, you thought Godzilla had no plot? Well, you haven't seen anything until you've seen Embrace of the Vampire. Before she did Poison Ivy 2, Alyssa Milano bared all for this cheesy flick, and like all good cable porn, the plot goes only far enough to attempt to justify the sex scenes. Acting? What's that? Script? It's supposed to be believable? You're kidding, right?

In all seriousness, this movie sucks. The script is a joke. The acting is worse. Alyssa Milano drifts from scene to scene, eventually finding reason for baring her breasts one more time. Being a child of the 80s, I entered puberty lusting after Milano from her Who's The Boss days. So you can imagine how thankful I was (along with millions of other young boys) to see Milano expand her work into these films. Unfortunately, puberty has left the building, and Milano has shown her stuff in a half dozen other different straight-to-video flicks as well. It would be nice if there was even one shred of decent acting or dialogue to keep you awake between sex scenes... but there isn't, so get your fast forward button ready.

Technically, the disc is of good quality. The video is as solid as you're going to get for straight-to-video, if not spectacular. The hues come through well with little grain evident. The anamorphic transfer offers assistance as well, but better-looking transfers exist, to be sure. So what -- a spectacular transfer isn't necessary for this movie, just as long as nothing interferes with the lesbian sex, right? The audio is equally as solid, but again is nothing spectacular. There just isn't much of a workout on this soundtrack, which isn't exactly surprising. Since there is no trailer or cast and crew info, the only real extra is the dual viewing option. New Line used the widescreen/pan & scan and R-rated/unrated option (seen in their Poison Ivy DVD trilogy) again here, and it's a nice bone to throw. Please excuse the pun.

If anything, the film is worth it for the copious sight of Alyssa Milano sans clothing. However, the rest of the movie is a snoozer and even the sex scenes lack a certain eroticism. It's like watching your sister get it on with the neighbor boy down the street. Not that I would know, I don't have a sister. But if I did, I'd want Milano for the job. But since I don't, at least I got screen captures.

Brad Pilcher
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