(2000) - New Line
by Erin Lindsey of The Digital Bits
Disc Ratings (Video/Audio/Extras): A/A/C-
Specs and Features
102 mins, PG-13, letterboxed widescreen (1.85:1), 16x9 enhanced,
full frame (1.33:1), single-sided, dual-layered, Snapper case
packaging, cast and crew bios, theatrical trailer, hidden commercial
for RedHot.org, DVD-ROM access (script-to-screen, website,
postcards, games and others), film-themed menu screens, scene access
(30 chapters), languages: English (DD 5.1 & 2.0), subtitles:
English, Closed Captioned
not interested in your goddamn vagina. I just want to marry you."
When Todd and Bill first approached me to write a review on The
Digital Bits, I thought, "Cool. Now I can review all
my favorite movies that I never had a chance to watch on DVD."
Films like Born on the Fourth of July,
Under Siege and Goodfellas.
You see, for a girl, my taste in film runs atypically masculine. But
of course, my first assignment was to write a review for the Chris
O'Donnell vehicle The Bachelor.
Just like men to give a girl a stereotypical chick flick.
I dreaded popping this thing into the player. I had visions of
sappy dialogue and silly chance encounters dancing in my little
head. I steered away from this thing when it was in theaters on
purpose. I saw the trailer, and it looked like something I wouldn't
want to waste my time on. Fate has an ugly way about it. Somehow, in
the back of my mind, I knew it would be back to haunt me. So, I
accepted the punish
er, assignment. And just in case, had my
trusty trashcan nearby if I needed to barf. Now, I know what most of
you are thinking - "Erin, you didn't give it a chance."
Oh, believe me... I did. Part of me wanted to believe that maybe,
just maybe, The Bachelor would
turn out to be the surprise hit of the year, that nobody saw in the
theatres. I would be the one who would discover the true art of it -
a hidden gem revealed. I'm sad to say that moment never arose when
watching the screen. To be fair, several moments did arise. Moments
when thoughts popped into my head like: "Are there really men
out in this world that are this stupid?" If so, slap my ass and
call me single.
Here's the story (if we may be so bold). Basically, O'Donnell is
the last of his kind: an unmarried man in a married world. When we
first see him, he and his little pack of friends wallow in their
bachelorhood, modeling themselves after wild animals. But slowly,
one by one, his friends fall. Now O'Donnell, he's out and proud
about the fact that he's a bachelor. However, one fateful day he
meets Renee Zellweger and falls in movie love (you know the type -
where after 3 years they still act like it's their second month).
Everything is great until... dum-dum-dum... she catches the floral
bouquet at the latest wedding. Of course, we all know what that
means. Yep, they have to get married. At least that's the case in
the cliché-riddled world of writer Steve Cohen. After
O'Donnell bombs his "can't miss" proposal attempt (once
again, how could anybody be that stupid?), Zellweger turns him down
flat and heads out of town on assignment. Things go from bad to
worse after O'Donnell's grandfather (Peter Ustinov) dies.
Apparently, his grandfather had an estate worth 100 million dollars
(including a wealth of business that keep the town's economy afloat)
and he's the sole heir. The only catch is, he has to get hitched by
ten minutes after 6 PM on his 30th birthday... which is just 24
hours away. Everything in his life and the lives of his friends and
family are riding on him getting married. Here's where there should
have been some really funny stuff inserted. But instead of being
funny, it all turns out to be quite cliché.
As you can tell, if I had one word to sum up this film, it's "cliché".
Can you get any more cliché than men who model themselves
after certain ferocious animals, like wild mustangs and Bengal
tigers, in order to show their independence from "the old ball
and chain" (an actual term used twice in the film)? That is
until they are all rounded up, captured and taken away by the mean
old women, who's only mission in life is to make men marry them and
turn them into... oh, I don't know
HUMAN BEINGS! Could I have
some more cliché, please? Okay. Here's some: women
uncontrollably stuff their face when the are upset. Latin men always
make you feel better about a broken relationship, and if you ever
choose to argue in a restaurant, everyone will stop what they're
doing and stare right at you. Because of all the cliches, The
Bachelor will ultimately fail to appeal to women (and
most likely men as well). That's a shame, because I think that this
type of romantic comedy is supposed to be geared toward women in the
Do men really equate themselves with a particular animal? I don't
really know any men who refer to themselves as a Bengal tiger or a
Mustang, but would I know one if I saw one? Is this something that
just goes on in the private spaces of a man's mind? Okay, let's be
honest here... why are these men comparing themselves to the likes
of huge, fearless beasts? Are they really that full of themselves
that they think they have what it takes to be a friggin' wolf? The
answer, in my mind, is no, no, no. Hhmmm... a gerbil seems more
likely. Yes, a gerbil definitely fits these gentlemen more
appropriately. But don't get me wrong. I would love to meet a man
who thinks he's a Bengal tiger. Reeeoooar.
All the hype you have been reading on The
Bits is true - New Line does some nice DVDs. As much as I
hated this film, on DVD it wasn't such heartache to expose myself
too. Thankfully, it's light in the way of extras, so I didn't have
to sacrifice too much of my time. But the video and audio
presentation is quite nice. The colors on this disc are delicious.
The picture is presented in both full frame and widescreen format
(you choose at the start) and both look great. There's nothing bad
to say at all - it's just a great image. The sound is also pretty
impressive. It's a Dolby Digital 5.1 track with a 2.0 version in
reserve, and they sound as full as you could expect in a film like
this. The audio comes more alive in the crowd scenes at the end, and
The extras, like I said, are light and that's great. There's a
trailer, a commercial for RedHot.org and some DVD-ROM stuff (most
notable is a script-to-screen option). The only beef I have with
this disc at all is an obvious sound edit made in a close-up of
O'Donnell, when you clearly see that he's saying the word (cover
your eyes) cocksucker and what comes out is scum sucker. Sure it's a
better choice, but it could have been made to be less obvious.
If you're looking for a flick to impress that first date with your
knowledge and sensitivity towards women, don't pick this one and
make an ass out of yourself. Save this to watch with all your guy
friends to educate yourself on what NOT to do to a woman. And
ladies... if it's you that picked this one up, watch it with your
man and if he starts to roar like a tiger or whiney like a horse,
just laugh to yourself and hope he isn't really too much of an ass
(donkey that is).